A NEW YORKER AT HEART – (a work in) Progress Ended 911

May 24, 2007
By

 

Just which New Yorker are you?

Are you the New Yorker who

Started here

Came here

Sent someone here

Became here?

Are you the New Yorker who

Walks the streets

Hibernates in rent control

Fights for the bucks because

you deserve it,

you need it,

you want it.

Are you the New Yorker who

Forms the edges of our quilt

Attaches as a purposeful square

for an issue

for a person

just because.

Are you among these New Yorkers who

Decides who amongst us

lives

dies

lives well, or

lives in hardship?

Creates controls around the many

and confines yourself, or

lives beyond, or

Speaks to us

in a civil tone

in an honest tone

in harshness

in contemptuous longing

in contempt from on high.

Are you the New Yorker who

Runs to the empty seat

Steps in line ahead of me,


 

Reads by looking at my paper or

Looks by reading my paper?

Am I?

Are you the New Yorker who

Frequents museums,

Watches art movies,

Listens to hard music, or

Avoids the parks?

Are you the New Yorker who

Watches,

Listens,

Observes,

Poses?

Just which New Yorker are you?

Are you the New Yorker I just left,

Angry at the mistreatment of you,

Rather than the treatment you receive

Are you the New Yorker alive in diversity,

or one segregated by the narrow choice of circumstance.

Are you the New Yorker lost in loss,

Spinning wheels invented just for you, by you,

Unable to stop it, living lost, living grey.

Are you the New Yorker who was B

Who is no more, or

Who remains with the Grays,

Who left so clean that smiles form

which raise you a rung, every time your name is sung,

every time you bring, that colorful life to one left, not lost.


 

Are you that New Yorker who made lore,

Who was a pillar, a cornerstone, a roamer,

Who made the books, historic, neighborhood talk, lost.

Anonymous, contemplated by lore-makers, one of many, one with a story.

Are you one of the New Yorkers, that varied homogeneous group,

We work hard,

We play hard,

We lust often, but love seldom, of others, more of ideas

We are prone to underselling and backstabbing,

We exist hip, yet guilty for our shortcomings

We are your sons and daughters, arrogant enough to want more, we settle on location,

We are varied in that we come from points west and east, north and south, up and down, side to side; yet we are homogeneous in that we come, and we come from you.

Those New Yorkers are a forward bunch.

Those New Yorkers mix and separate,

They cling together, then branch out,

And bear the pain of growth wrecked on themselves,

Self-inflicted treachery they=d choose again and again.

Those New Yorkers fight to kill, love to own and laugh to cope,

But their alive is present, their willingness to test and take

Wins them accolades dreamt of outside the circle,

Scorned at home and paid for with flesh.

This place is a microcosm.

This is you all squished into a small space,

Doing what you=d do, even though you can=t see it,

Because you aren=t squished in, out, sideways and up.

I am the New Yorker happy alone in the crowd,

Overwhelmed by desire to be loved,

Crazy at giving how I can,

Intent on doing it my way, because Frank says that=s cool

I am the New Yorker for New York,

A soup kitchen,

A friendly face in line,

A cutie when you need one,

A valiant enemy breaking rules.


 

Are you one of those New Yorkers who

Sees Jews on every corner,

Irish boys in the bar,

Italians in the restaurants running

Mexicans crazy, or

Arabs in every cab?

Or are you a New Yorker who sees

No distinction, only a blend,

Where you are all they are and everything they are not.

Do you have the blood of man, or the New York of an immigrant?

Are you a New Yorker who notices,

A New Yorker too well in to see, maybe too far out to care?

On this score, which New Yorker are you?

I am the New Yorker trying to find New York,

Looking at we, a tree

Looking at you, a forest.

I an that New Yorker sitting

Writing in a coffee shop,

Wishing it was on Bleeker Street

Thirty years ago.

I am the New Yorker dreaming

About I have been To The Mountain

Wanting desperately to count,

Writing angry adaptations

Penning silly whimsy

Searching my abyss for worth and translation.

I love the thought of,

I relish the execution of,

I adore the completion of

And wait for acceptance

Somehow my lonely words

Joyous amongst themselves,

Content to be grouped as they are

Wish for nothing but a fresh edit.


 

So it is me, I discover,

Who needs to group my groups with others groups

Or to hear that as a group, they may stand alone.

Am I the New Yorker who came to the masses to be heard?

Am I the New Yorker who makes New York,

By following through on my underlying quest

To have the masses hear and rejoice?

Am I the self-congratulatory

Arrogance of New York,

Calling for bootstraps, equating others to me

In the one world my arrogance breathes,

Instead of equating all worlds and taking place?

Am I a self-hating New Yorker,

A New Yorker of confusion

A New Yorker lost among myself and others,

Longing to be grouped otherwise,

Longing to have others grouped around my light,

Am I New York, am I you.

Which New Yorker…

are you all in

half in the bag,

short of change,

long in the tooth.

Do you come equipped

happy with your shortcomings

able in your talents

unaware of you crimes?

Are you one of us

who has fallen apart

who has chosen otherwise

who copes in silence and aroma

who scratches with squelching pain

along the curb

hand thrown out in subway cars

Outside Macy=s

For your kids education

in and out of bars


 

in and out of hospitals

in and out of jail.

Are you that chick behind the bar who sells me thin cigarettes,

Laughs at the musicians

and never asks what I=m writing.

Are you arrogant beyond your accomplishments,

in a high end store, looking as if I can=t afford to be there

in a mid-end store grasping at my weakness for your comfort

dressed good, better than me, laughing all over not knowing?

Wondering how Some walk about scared of you,

Unaware I love my life,

Ignorant of your ignorance.

Are you a New Yorker steeped in music,

hip, trip, rich, rock, sock, bop

Do you listen to Corrine, Corrina,

Pretzel Logic

Blue Bayou,

All Blues,

Rhapsody In Blue,

Black and Blue?

Do you have Angels From Montgomery,

Do you exalt Mama I=m Still Bleeding?

Are you part of a couple in waiting

waiting for another

waiting for yourself

part of a whole just waiting?

Are you as awed by New York as any proper New Yorker,

honest, aware, sinking toward death,

riding the wave of another=s dream,

unable to break through to the self-awareness disconnected from that imposed,

whether different, external, beautiful or sadistic.

Are you one of those New Yorkers who understand that New York is good for the winners,

or one who cannot comprehend how hard it is on the losers

because the existence of subsistence is so terrible

that to peak around the corner of denial

necessarily means reeking havoc

on yourself, which might be okay,

but also on those you love,


 

which is unacceptable.

Are you prepared to bear the burden of life,

Despite the outcome of your inaction?

Are you convinced that nothing you do can change what is?

Are you sure that your path is the most helpful to your surroundings,

Or do you understand that all you can do is subsist in the wreckage you have made of your life,

unable to find meaning in anything and knowing why?

Does anything matter outside your saying so?

And if so, what is it you say matters?

And from where does that stem?,

the imposed dream

the contrived fallacies of right, wrong, indifference.

Do modern conceptions of surrealism please you more than Camus,

or does Bukowski break you down to reality

Or at least closer than God.

What moves you toward anything unadulterated;

the prime movers of instinct, religion, politics, art or philosophy;

the sophisticated layer of relationship or denial,

the semantics of agreement, choice, history or your own mind?

Nothing? De jour, viva, momentum?

I am that New Yorker sitting off to one side,

Looking at you, and at me, (and at you looking at me).

I see the heads of New Yorkers at heart,

Bubbles creating the fray,

In our subway,

Knowing that each likely as mine is

Overrunning itself like a steady rolling snowball, (a thread pulled not letting go)

Whose ambition and recognition

Fold into themselves,

Begetting something new.

And somehow each and the other forming bursts, thirsts,

Unquenchable, leading some to be one,

Others to be another and

Remainders to be calm.


 

Are you that New Yorker who

stops on a dime to make way for another

trips over yourself to make way for others

Are you the one who

sees waiting for another simply causes problems

knows someone must lead

and that your skills

combined with your concern

make it better for all for you to step forward,

Than to let modesty

Make life difficult for all.

Are you that New Yorker who is a rare person

due to your understanding of

the human condition

the race in poverty

the race in riches

the degradation of poverty

the degradation of being rich

who

makes way at the table

For the disfranchised

To sit aside to well heeled

For all to laugh at their goodness

And aid each other=s badness

who stands up despite the inherent conflict

In the aroma and stink of others

In the background and future of others

In the appearance or language of disparate ones

In the commuppings of the many, and of the few

believes that solid nobility, with good blood makes

Us better

This thing what it is

Pride and benevolence

Worthy qualities and

Regular events

or knows that

The will of the many rule

The mind of the many is more often proper


 

The concerns of each of us

Are precious

Are whimsy

Are yours.

I am the one running to the subway seat, not giving it up since >76, maybe >66.

I am the one who angles in the shoulder for your protection,

even though you do not look where you are going.

I am the one who when we both reach to open the door,

continues and opens it, and grimaces internally at your expectancy,

and arrogance when you pull back and allow me to open it,

as you inevitably do.

I am the New Yorker struggling through

craft and art, marriage and love, friends and emptiness.

I am the New Yorker finding the meaning of self,

the glory of justice, the issues of others and the vulgarity of truth.

I am the New Yorker alive with pride.

I am the one reading things,

To bide my time,

To escape my surroundings,

To gain the power of knowledge,

To look smart.

I am the one asking for money because I must have it,

Because God must have it,

Because many must have it,

just not you and me.

I am the New Yorker alive in every borough in some capacity,

I am the one famed in the Bronx, useful to Queens,

at home with Kings, on occasion on S.I. and a regular in the City.

I am the New Yorker witness to bad politics,

Aware of the people abused by the good people,

Empathetic to the bad people helping the good, and

At work in the system anxious to help, but

Stunted by that around me, both man and thing.

I seek opportunity for us, and favor for you,


not out of saintliness, but from desire to step out..

For all this New Yorker wants is that unattainable through conventional channels,

Despite his conventional life, poetry.

Are you a New Yorker who lives, loves, breathes?

Are you with >em or aginst >em.

Are you one of those New Yorkers who,

On occasion glances out from some perch,

And gazes in awe at the complexities of this huge place,

Who sees chaos ordered,

Who bemoans the shortcomings,

Who hopes for improvement,

Who stops for a moment to

Smell the roses of discontent

Feel the waft of movement

Soak in the wave of progress

Step lightly on the surrounding many

so that order becomes palatable

where chaos exists in penitence

from the sins of ignorance

and the reactions of instinct

around an unknown language,

an impenetrable world

a dream revealed, but

not shared

not felt

not a part of we, but

imposed

unleashed

commanding from some perch

preparing to lurch on you

and me.

Leave a Reply

Tags